Sober And Clean

Been Awhile

2012-02-11T18:42:00.000-08:00

Yes it has been awhile almost a year since I've been over here. Just was really busy with websites, it just got too much for me to be able to do anymore. Too much life behind a computer screen, searching, seeking, trying to do things to be of help to others. It was a blast in the attempt, it just became too much for me to handle anymore. One thing for sure though, it did help me to remain clean for a very very long time. Quite a few 24 hours in a row. Grateful for the learning experience that it gave to me

Blessings to all~~~~

Staying Busy - Keeping Focused

2011-07-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

Although it has been awhile since I have posted here, I have been keeping myself pretty busy and staying focused on the new life that has been given too me. I enjoy the life that I am living today.

Even though I have had my ups and downs in Recovery, I wouldn't exchange them for anything today. One of the reasons why, is that I've been truly blessed here this time around. Although it was very difficult in the beginning of this latest journey in Recovery, it has gotten a lot easier, but not only that, it has been such a blessing.

Learning and putting the things that I've been learning into effect has been the best of it all. Today, with much perseverance, I've gotten somewhat of a new "Outlook On Life." The new outlook has not only been evident in my friends and families eyes, but it has taken awhile for me to actually see the progress that has taken place.

The thing about all of it though, is that it has been a continuing effort for myself to make sure that Meditating and Meditations are a Key to my Sobriety today. I truly believe that without that, I wouldn't be where I am today, and I wouldn't be able to even get to where I would like to be. Although my life today is totally awesome there is still much work that needs to be done.

So keeping focus in my life, the things that are important in life, has made a huge amount of difference. Today, I can do things for others and it actually feels good. Taking a minute to talk to someone else, maybe offering them a hand at doing something that they need help with, or even making something for someone to surprise them and let them know how you feel about them. Those are the things that are important to me, and keeping busy and keeping focused helps me so much in those areas of Recovery.

Blessings continue, and so does life....

JunkieLives.Com is a personal website of my life in Recovery. Here I post articles and things that remain on my mind. The best thing about this is for others to know that there is hope for each and everyone that is struggling with Addiction.

As Junkie Lives is a personal site of my efforts to remain Sober And Clean, likewise Just For Today Meditations is a site that we post up to 18 different Meditations each day for those of us who use Meditating and Meditation as a part of there Recovery. Mostly use the 12 Step Programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous. However, we are not limited at all saying that these are the only way in which Recovery Can And Does Happen.

Staying Positive

2011-03-05T16:04:00.000-08:00

I've had a heck of a time here lately with Hosting Companies, if it isn't one issue than it is another. During these times, we have to Practice the Principles of Recovery. There are many Principle that we have, however, in A.A., the are listed as The Twelve Principles as follows. Each of the Principles also coincide with one of the 12 Steps Of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Honesty

Step 1. We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Hope

Step 2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Faith

Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

Courage

Step 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Integrity

Step 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Willingness

Step 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humility

Step 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Brotherly Love

Step 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Justice

Step 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Perseverance

Step 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Spirituality

Step 11. Sought through Prayer and Meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for the knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.

Service

Step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, especially alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Although Patience is not really specified in the Principles, it is part of the Program of Recovery. It is also Staying Positive which could be also knows or coincide with Steps 3, 7, and Eleven. Those seem to work rather well.

Staying Positive allows us to be able to work on our Faith. In a sense it would also go with the Bible Verse, "Faith is something that you would hope for and the evidence of something not yet seen." Than we can also throw in the one that is also stated in the A.A. Big Book which is also a scripture. "Faith without works is dead"

Yes we ourselves have to work on Changing our ways, our thought patterns, and on the way in which we live. God can only do so much. Don't you think that He (If there is a God) has enough to worry about than all of our own little issues that we have each and everyday? He would have the whole universe to work on, He probably has the Power to also, yet, I believe myself that He would want us to take Responsibility for a lot of our own things that we can control ourselves. One of them is Staying Positive, Changing our ways in which we think, act, etc.

When things get us down, sure we will want to Share our feelings with Him, maybe even ask for his guidance, yet we, are Responsible for ourselves, he did by the way give up Free Will.

Maintaining Your Recovery On A Daily Basis

2011-02-22T04:06:00.000-08:00

In Recovery there are many ways in which to Recover from Alcohol And Drugs. As well as many ways to Recover from everything else. Our main objective today is to let you know what has basically been working for me these past 6 plus months now.

Recovery = Sober And Clean
Recovery = Change

Recovery has always been know as to being abstinence from Alcohol And Drugs. You can't have one without the other, although some people in Recovery might fight or argue about that since most don't consider Pot as to being a Drug that can harm you. Others will justify it as being OK from some of the Readings in the Bible. To each there own, I only know what works for me and for many others that are in "Recovery"!

There are many things a person can do for maintaining there Sobriety!

1. A person should have some sort of support Group. Now this doesn't have to be A.A., it doesn't have to be N.A., we do not hold a monopoly on Recovery, however these are the two that I have used during my Journey in the Recovery World.

2. Most say that you will need something more Powerful than what you are. A God, A Higher Power, A Group! Anything besides your own self. I only know that for me, this fact can not be abstinent cause if it is than I am usually running the show, and I know where my running things get's me. It usually isn't very pretty.

3. You should read something that deals with Recovery everyday. Reading for a period of only 15-30 minutes each day will keep your mind on Recovery, on being sober and it will also benefit you in recovery! Learning is what it is all about.

4. Reading Daily Meditations each morning or somewhere in the day will help you to be able to reflect on something new each day. Most of us in A.A. or similar 12 Step Programs start our days out with Reading something from a Meditation each morning. It helps us to focus on that daily reading and maybe try to apply the reading into our everyday life.

5. Find you a friend that you trust. Someone that you can confide in, someone that you know you can talk to them about anything and know that it won't leave there lips. We can call this a "Closed Mouth Friend" or "A Sponsor" or "A Spiritual Confidant". Just find someone that you can trust, and be able to openly talk about any sort of topic without Reservations.

6. Speaking of Reservations. We must be rid of anything that we think could take us back to the Demon that had us bound. We must decided, Make The Decision, and keep our Commitment to Recovery! We will have days when we won't want to continue or days early on that we will want to use. However, we can remain Sober And Clean during those times if we don't use and call or talk to someone immediately.

Well that about wraps up that.

Thanks for allowing me to share.

6 Months Today

2011-02-19T07:53:00.001-08:00

Six months ago, I was still using marijuana and justifying it as a Spiritual Aspect in Recovery. Like a lot of people at least where I live. There are many people that use Pot and still claim that they have 10 and 15 etc years of Sobriety. Well that is there business I suppose.

I was even doing it for awhile and yet I didn't feel right about it, felt like personally I was lying. Even though I admitted that I was smoking pot.

On August 18, 2010 was the last time that I drank or used any meth. I did however smoke pot 3 times in the month of September I took two hits on each of those occasions for the pain that I have to live with. I didn't smoke any from the 18th of August until September though. I didn't consider that a relapse nor did I feel any sort of discomfort inside myself. I did however decide the last time which I think was around the 10th of September that I wouldn't smoke pot for my pain anymore.

Kinda Ironic as well that August 18 was also my Sister Marie's Sobriety date. It is also my Son's Birthday. I didn't plan on that date it just happened that way.

I feel much better about myself as well. I also started to use my anti-depressants that are prescribed to me I am not sure I think it has to have been about 3 months now. Before I took myself off all medications that were prescribed to me for my mental things. I have been diagnosed as Bi-Polar, Deep Depression, Anxiety, etc. So I think that since I've gotten back on my medications that I've done some Changing in the last few months.

Well anyway...

What happened is that I just got tired of all the crap. The mental crap of thinking everyone was out to get me. Although some of those thoughts are still around, I am not flying way off of the handle like I was doing. I knew that I needed to get off of the Pot and remain Sober and Clean and so far it has been working out fairly well.

The first two months or so was literally hell to try and keep somewhat on a level plain. I was very flighty as you all probably know. I didn't want to have to continue to live that way. I would have gone into Counseling again if I could get there for appointments. However, with my income the way it is and the way that my Van is running it makes it impossible.

I do most of my Recovery on-line. I don't get to meeting very much, basically cause of transportation reasons. So I do what I can to keep myself in a fit mental condition using the resources on line. I have a few sites that are not mine that I go to everyday. I don't post a lot on them however I do quite a bit of reading. Learning how to live and being somewhat content with the life that I have to live.

Today life is so much better than what it was even 2 months ago. Life continues to get better each and everyday that I can remain Sober. I owe a lot of it to you guys here as well. You are the ones that keeps me in check as I call it. You give me the Drive to continue each day, to know that I have people that want to be around me even if it is just by the Internet. Your support means the world to me. I couldn't be able to continue without each and everyone of you.

Today I can honestly say that I am happy, and one thing that I haven't been able to do for a very long time is to like who I am. Today I am STARTING to like who I am becoming. There are days that I don't but those are not days or weeks anymore but maybe hours. So with that.

Today I am Grateful for what I have and who I have in my life.

Thanks for allowing me to share!

Vic

Dealing With Life On Life's Terms

2011-02-17T14:48:00.000-08:00

It isn't always easy to deal with Life on Life's Terms.

Today has been a very emotional day. The reason is pretty simple, I've not allowed myself to live into the Present. Instead, I am thinking of my Sister's Death that happened two years ago tomorrow.

Remembering her isn't the same as having her here. Sometimes I feel really left out and all alone. I know that isn't the case, or is it? I also know that she was always there for me. I've truly never found anyone in my entire life that has truly cared about me than she did.

I miss having that open relationship that a Brother and A Sister could share. We were able to confide in each other about anything and everything without judgment. Once you have had something like that and not have it anymore, it is really hard to live life. It is more hard to deal with issues on a daily basis without having the support of others.

Yet troubles still seem to be of my own making. Yet, I continue on the journey, I continue to live Just For Today.

Dealing with life can also be pretty rewarding! Tomorrow will be the last day that I used was on August 18, 2010. So tomorrow or should I say the 19th will be my Six Months of complete abstinence. It hasn't been very easy this time around. Lately it hasn't been too bad, which tends to scare me a little bit. So I make sure that I keep my guard up, for I don't ever want to have to start this cycle of this part of the journey again.

Well that is all I have to say about this topic for today!

Where Do You Start?

2011-02-15T19:02:00.000-08:00

Upon getting off of Alcohol and Drugs, you will often find that people say, "Where Do I Start?" That is probably one of the hardest things that we have to deal with in early Recovery, is to know What to do and Where to Go.

Yet, being one of the hardest things it is also one of the simplest to answer....

There once was a man that was homeless, hopeless, and so much of a drunk he was totally helpless. We call that the 3 H's of Life. He lived in the Restrooms basically wherever he could find, Gas Stations, Rest Areas, etc. It was a total nightmare for him and the only thing that he could do was to panhandle in order to get money for his drink and of course would use what the people usually gave him for food to eat. That is the disease of addiction.

One day something happened in his life in this Restroom! He Decided that he was going to Turn His Life around! But he didn't know "Where to Start?" He was folding up his blankets that he slept on when a guy came into the restroom to use the facilities. He had seen this gentleman before. He looked at him and said, "I wanted to tell you that I am going to Change my life around! I just have one problem... I don't know where to start." The guy looked at him with a Gleam in his eyes and said, "That is great news!" He went on to say...

The only place that you can start is where you are at the present moment. You live here in the Bathroom, you sleep on the floor in the corner, you go out and beg for money and food. Today, you are deciding that you are going to Change your life, you don't know where to start? You have to start where you are. Just make sure that the decisions that you make on a daily basis are the right decisions, and soon, you will see that the life that you have right now, will Change, and it will Change for the Better!

My sponsor told me this story, and it was a true story cause my Sponsor was the guy that told him that he had to start where he was at this moment. Today, this guy is still Sober And Clean!

He doesn't live in a Bathroom... matter of fact he now owns his own home. He isn't Hopeless any more either... Matter of Fact, he gives out hope now to those that are Hopeless... And to top it all off, He now isn't Helpless.

With the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, he has been given a new life...

Getting Sites Up Again

2011-02-14T18:50:00.000-08:00

I didn't know if after the run around with a couple of Cheap Hosting Sites, if I was going to get my websites up again or not. Not sure if I had the energy or the mental state of it all. However, I do like to have them up and I am not sure why when really all a person needs is right here or something even similar to this.

However I do like some of the Software that I have which is pretty cool! I do like one of the newest things that have hit the market when it comes to Forums Software and that is XenForo Forums Software! I like it the best of all that I have purchased so far, although it is still in the very early stages of being developed it is being developed by Mike And Kier the two lead Developers for years at Vbulletin! I am very parcial to Vbulletin basically cause that is what I was first introduced to and I had acquired a few licenses along the way. Also they do have a lot of Mods that are really out of the world! I am basically into the Social Aspects of having fun although I do like the Recovery but it just seems hard to get Recovery Forums going anymore.

Plus you have to make sure that when you are doing your sites, back to the Servers, that the people that have them do there best to make you happy. I would say this after much trial and a hell of a lot of errors that the old saying "You get what you pay for" is the truth! The sites that offer you unlimited Resellers for under 10 USD a month you will not be happy with anything about them! Well that is my Experience. I just have gone through so many of them saying that you won't have any issues and than you get 504 errors, 502 errors, Sites are not responding, etc etc. almost everyday there seems to have the server sites issues are down. OMG It will take away your serenity that is for sure, and it is really hard to stay CALM when those things happen everyday.

There are a few IMO that I would suggest to stay completely away from.

M2Host is one that isn't any good at all. And another one that I did like but too many 504 and 502 errors everyday was My Reseller Home. I do like them and they are extremely cheap but there servers just don't work that well or I had many issues everyday with there service. There are many more out there so many darn hosting sites it is kinda scary really. I just signed up for one and now I am getting second thoughts. Why? Well some of them even take your money and than they don't ever get back to you. That has even happened to me. One of them that isn't good at all is Dollar 2 Host So yes you need to be very careful cause it is hard to get refunded even though they promise it too you!

Well enough about that for now. I am just killing some time right now waiting on my welcome package for my Reseller hosting so I can get my site up and going. One that I am having some fun with is called Just Really Bored I was just bored when I bought that domain ;)

It's Valentines Day!

2011-02-14T17:35:00.000-08:00

It's Valentines Day!

So here we are February 14, 2011. Valentines Day! A Day that was meant to spend with the loved one in your life. The loved one that has stood beside of you through thick and thin till death due you apart. Well WAKE UP WORLD that isn't the way that it happens in today society. At least it never did for me. Although I have been divorced now for about 10 years, I still am not into any Relationship other than my own dog. LOL now don't ya be thinking sick now....

Valentines Day is for those to spend a day in romance, happiness, and hopefulness. A day that you take the loved one of your life and just spoil them with everything that you can think of. I know that I would always send my Ex-Wife a Dozen Red Roses and usually a gift along with that. Well I guess I should be Grateful because I sure couldn't afford that now days with the money that I get off of my Disability.

Oh what would it be like to be young again? Wouldn't that just be absolutely wonderful! I would like to have a few years back anyway.

So the day is Sweetheart Day. Go ahead, give her a Dozen Roses, maybe a Diamond Ring, maybe even a ticket to the theater or movies. Take time to snuggle up on the couch together, put the kids to bed, watch a show, hold her hand. Give her the time that you have because in all reality, there is nothing that is more Priceless than the time that you can give to her. Showing her the affection in just being there will mean more than anything that you can buy for her and or him.

Thanks for allowing me to be a part of today.